September 19, 2012
DCF: More Powerful Than a Judge
I’m still horrified and dismayed at the response I received from a DCF supervisor today. The department is required to reunify children they remove from a home. In my case they’ve decided that they’ve already reunified my children because they now live with their father. A probate court judge gave me full custody. DCF decided otherwise.
They took my children because I fell and hit my head. My house was a disaster because our year old puppy ran through the home tearing up garbage. I was found in an ‘altered mental state.’ DCF took custody of my children the next day even though a psychiatric evaluation and an MRI determined I was fine to be released. Their report was abysmal. It was as if my ex-husband had written it himself. Assumptions and unsupported allegations are stated as fact.
I survived over seven years of marriage to a man who is considered by our former marriage therapist to be a sociopath. The children live in fear of him and his ‘scary face.’ He happened to be on the scene of the incident that day. He was alone with the children and is famous for putting words in their mouth. He even took time to use the neighbor’s computer to write a statement for the police to further denigrate me.
This is how single parents who survive abuse are treated in Massachusetts. We are discredited; nothing we say is true. Abusers are much more charming and in control of their emotions when they are lying and want to be believed. On the other hand, we, the victims are over-emotional to the point of being in hysterics because we have been wronged, unjustly prejudiced and that’s annoying for anyone who has to deal with us.
When the man who we divorced threatens us, we ask for help from the judicial system. The courts are usually fine with an initial restraining order, but then leave us hanging out in the open; vulnerable and afraid. We end up with no protection when we need it most.
When the threats that the abuser made are acted upon, exactly as he said they would, nobody pays attention. My ex-husband said that if I left him he would make everyone believe I was crazy and a drug addict. He said he would throw me down the stairs, pour pills down my throat and everyone would look at it as a suicide. On April 12 at about one in the morning, I was tripped coming up the stairs in my home. I had never hit my head as hard as I did that night. I remember pulling myself up on the railing and seeing him at the bottom of the stairs, crouching. On April 12 at about 11:00 a.m. the police were called by my neighbor when the children followed our safety plan and went next door for help. I have not been allowed to be alone with my children since.
Apparently nobody in DCF has ever had a puppy run through their home and mess up the place. They have never had enough training to understand that a head trauma can cause a person to lose memory and act irrationally. They certainly are not aware of what a battering parent does. What my ex-husband did is exactly what all the books and experts say that abusive spouses will do. He alienates the children from their maternal family and controls who they see, and what they do. They were removed from martial arts classes, and have not seen their neighborhood friends or beloved dogs. They have not been home. What child doesn’t want to come home to mommy? My children do, and DCF will not allow even visits or any chance or plan for me to be reunified with my children. They took away my babies and broke all of our hearts. They sit and do nothing to rectify the situation.
The violence increases after the divorce. I was almost killed. My children are not allowed to come home. And DCF says they have followed their policy by reuniting the children with a family member; the abusive father they are terrified of. Any child wants the love of a parent and will do anything necessary to please him. My children want to come home, but have to say they will stay with their father or he will retaliate. Their father never raised them or had anything to do with their care until April 12. Now they cannot come home.
Massachusetts has no ability to see what an abusive man can do. They are allowing a sociopath to determine the fate of two precious children while they sit idly by and accept his version of events as truth while I am considered a risk to the two most precious people on the planet to me. I did psychological testing, drug and alcohol screens, anything and everything they’ve asked of me. I never had anything in my system that wasn’t prescribed for me. I showed mild symptoms of anxiety and depression. Yet, I am no longer allowed to be a mother.
After a guardian at litum, two psychologists and the neighbors testified in a lengthy divorce trial, the judge ordered full physical custody to me. DCF feels they have made a better decision for the children in a two hour investigation that left me out completely. DCF is not acting on the best interests of my children. They are acting in their father’s best interest because all their father wants is to not have to pay child support. He wants me dead so he can collect the life insurance. He has motive, means, and opportunity. The police did not investigate. He got away with attempted murder and is now holding my children hostage while DCF watches and does nothing. Something is very wrong in Massachusetts when a victim is further victimized by the courts and the agencies charged with protecting us and our children. This is a travesty of justice, a complete disregard for the children’s right to live without abuse, and my right to parent my children. It has to end, but who will help?
My Life in Hell, Massachusetts 